Pretenses of Protestantism

The famous Anglican theologian G.K. Chesterton once wrote of the Protestant Reformation that “[e]ven the parts of it that might appear plausible and enlightened from a purely secular standpoint have turned out rotten and reactionary, also from a purely secular standpoint.”

When I look around at what Protestantism has become, I find it hard to disagree with him.

What have we become?


Protestants: “The Catholic Church performs pagan rites that aren’t found in the Bible!”

Also Protestants: “We are responsible for the climate crisis and must confess our sins to potted plants.”


Protestants: “No man has the authority to interpret the Bible’s meaning for other people! We only need the Holy Spirit to guide us!”

Also Protestants: “I don’t understand this verse. Better check my Joyce Meyer Study Bible!”


Protestants: “The Pope tells other people how to interpret the Bible! That’s wrong!”

Also Protestants: “You think that some people are vessels of wrath prepared for destruction!? You’re interpreting the Bible wrong!”


Protestants: “The Catholic Church cherry-picks the verses that support their control, while hiding verses that contradict their doctrines!”

Also Protestants: “We need to unhitch ourselves from the Old Testament. The New Testament is the only one that matters for true believers.”


Protestants: “The Catholic Church performs pagan rites that aren’t found in the Bible!”

Also Protestants: “We stand in unity and bang this Staff of Racial Reconciliation to end racism in America!”


Protestants: “The leaders of the Catholic Church are too greedy!”

Also Protestants: “I’m sending in an offering to Kenneth Copeland, whose net worth is estimated to be $300 million. God told him that he needs a new jet so that he doesn’t have to get onto a commercial airline and fly with demons.”


Protestants: “The Catholic Church has strayed too far from the Bible!”

Also Protestants: “My pastor is trying to distract herself from the custody battle going on during her second divorce, so I recommended that we go out and see ‘The Shack‘ together when it hits theaters, since both she and I really enjoyed the book.”


Protestants: “The Catholic Church performs pagan rites that aren’t found in the Bible!”

Also Protestants: “Today I visited Ohio so that I could grave-soak Charles Finney’s tomb and get some of that anointing.”


Protestants: “The Pope has too much authority! We believers are all part of a royal priesthood! No person is greater than another!”

Also Protestants: “Bill Johnson has a special spiritual mantle on him. He’s a true apostle.”


Protestants: “The Catholic Church teaches doctrines that can’t be found in Scripture!”

Also Protestants: “The locusts are black helicopters, the Mark of the Beast is a vaccine, and Obama is the antichrist!”

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